I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “Happy wife, happy life,” right? It’s often given as advice to young men who are about to get married. It’s also thrown around jokingly by husbands who have to explain to their buddies why they must finish their honey-do list instead of going fishing. It’s an extremely common saying in our culture. But I believe that it’s incredibly detrimental to the marriage institution, and I think it’s time women stop propagating it.
Why I hate the saying “Happy wife, happy life”
I may be a minority here, but I find the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life” pretty offensive. Sure, it sounds great for me as a woman and wife. But I feel like it holds men to an impossible standard and elevates women to an unhealthy position in the household.
It sets unfair expectations for husbands
“Happy wife, happy life” suggests that in order to lead a happy life, a man’s sole responsibility is to keep his wife happy. I believe this is wrong because according to Ephesians 5:25, husbands are commanded to love their wives, not just make them happy.
A husband’s role is not to constantly work to ensure his wife’s happiness, but to love her as Christ loves the church. Will a wife feel happy when her husband loves her? Most of the time, sure. But what about when loving her means holding her accountable? She probably won’t feel happy about that in the moment. But happiness is just that: a feeling. Love, on the other hand, is a choice.
It improperly elevates the woman’s position in the marriage relationship
“Happy wife, happy life” makes it seem like the husband is subordinate to his wife. It sounds like he must dutifully work to please her. But if we look back at Ephesians 5, we clearly see that wives are to submit to their husbands (see v. 22).
Now, I’m not going into the whole submission thing today because I don’t need a bunch of wives coming at my inbox with torches and pitchforks (but we will address it eventually, so keep those pitchforks ready). I just want to point out that a wife should not reign over her husband and children like a queen.
A wife is not the head of the household, and she should not seek to be treated as such. She should not expect her husband to wait on her hand and foot while she orders him around. On the contrary, both husbands and wives are to submit to each other (see v. 21).
Healthy marriage, happy life
Instead of “Happy wife, happy life,” I like the phrase, “Happy marriage, happy life.” As a wife, you must treat your husband like the equal partner he is. It’s extremely important to respect your husband as a fellow parent. Neither of you is better than the other, and you should both work to serve each other.
Coming back to submission for a second. My pastor is currently doing a series on the family, and he made the point that submission a voluntary role. He went on to say that husbands should love their wives sacrificially, and wives should respond with submission; a healthy marriage depends on both people doing their part.
Spend quality time with your husband, and consciously work on your marriage together. This will make you both feel much more fulfilled and happy than if just one of you is doing it. Nobody said marriage would be easy, but if you put in the work, I promise you will reap the rewards.
Healthy family, happy life
Another alternative to “Happy wife, happy life” is “Healthy family, happy life.” Instead of everyone in the household adhering to the “If mommy ain’t happy, nobody is happy,” mentality, work to cultivate a loving, kind atmosphere in your home where everyone is valued and appreciated.
Even though it’s hard (especially during that time of the month), don’t let your attitude dictate that of your entire household. I know it’s hard to control your emotions when your stressed, running late, or have a lot on your mind. But consider the alternative. As a mom, your babies are watching you, and if your attitude sucks, they will see your lack of self control as normal, and will mirror it themselves. To quote the great movie, Remember the Titans, “Attitude reflects leadership.”
Mama, I hope this post helps you take a look at how you treat your husband and family and maybe make some changes. Neither you or your husband are better than the other, and your marriage is a partnership. The only way to have a truly happy life is by cultivating an attitude of respect in both your marriage and family.
What do you think about the saying, “Happy wife, happy life”? Let us know in the comments!
Love this so much! And totally agree! It also implies that we should be deriving our happiness from our husbands instead of from God!
Awesome blog! As husband and wife we should be servants to one another
I absolutely agree! It’s a partnership that works when both sides are giving selflessly of themselves.