For many moms, the daily family schedule keeps life humming at a normal, predictable pace. Schedules are often set by a husband’s work hours, traditionally 9 am – 5 pm. But what happens when your spouse has a job requiring him to work a swing or graveyard shift? How do you manage a non-traditional schedule with a family?
First responders, corrections officers, doctors, and shift workers, are just a few people who need to manage a non-traditional schedule with a family. As a wife to a first responder, I learned the hard way that you can’t force your family to keep a “normal” schedule if that’s not what your husband works.
Managing a non-traditional schedule with a family takes work
When Little Man was born, my husband worked a standard 8 am – 5 pm job. We both got up early and were able to spend the evenings together as a family after he got home. We got our baby on a really good schedule when he was just a month old, and life moved at a pretty steady pace.
But then I got pregnant with our second child, Little Miss, pretty much exactly the time my husband started his new job as a first responder. He pushed through six months of academy training, three more months of on-the-job training, and started his new shift two days before our baby entered the world. Talk about a whirlwind!
Now, I am a woman of routine. I thrive when my life is on a consistent, predictable schedule, and so do our babies. When my husband came off OTJ training, he started swing shift (2 pm – 10 pm). I made the mistake of trying to maintain the schedule we kept for years before this. But he could no longer get up early with me because of the late nights, I couldn’t seem to stay away until he got home, and our babies hardly ever got to see him.
I felt like I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, forcing our schedules to mesh together. Endlessly frustrated, I harbored intense resentment toward my husband’s job. I had a very clear moment when I thought, This isn’t working. I need to figure out how to manage this, or I’m going to go crazy. And after some trial and error, I finally figured out how to manage a non-traditional schedule with a family.
First, learn to be flexible
Maybe you’re already a pretty easy-going woman who can go with the flow when things change. I’m very jealous of you! I definitely had to work at flexible scheduling and “let it go,” as our dear friend Elsa puts it. You can’t change the schedule you get, so you need to work with it instead of against it like I did.
Second, adjust your mindset
Most people who manage a non-traditional schedule with a family don’t have the same days off as regular people. Right now, my hubby has Mondays and Tuesdays off. I could tell you it sucks (it does), but we’ve learned to live with it. We treat Saturday and Sunday like regular weekdays. I do school with Little Man on Saturdays, make my “weeknight meals,” do laundry, etc. The only difference is we do church on Sunday like normal, so no school.
Then, we sleep in (as much as you can with two babies) on our weekend, have a big breakfast, eat out one night, etc. We generally do things that need to be done on Mondays, like yard work, and save Tuesday as our Sabbath.
One upside to managing a non-traditional schedule with a family is lots of places that are normally closed on the weekends are open on the days you are off. And fun places like movie theaters, the zoo, amusement parks, and museums are significantly less crowded.
Third, set your priorities
When figuring out how to manage a non-traditional schedule with a family, you have to clearly set your priorities. A healthy, balanced schedule includes the following components:
Time with your spouse
This is time for just the two of you and includes daily couch time, as well as time for dates and intimacy.
Time as a family
This includes time to play with the kids, do things and go places as a family, and just hang out together.
A daily shared meal
This is really important if you can swing it every day. I found the days we don’t get to share a meal as a family, we all have a hard time. It’s important to have that time to connect.
Consistent bed and wake times
I can’t stress this enough: consistent bed and wake times will make or break your day. When my husband first started swing shift, we all had pretty early bedtimes. But we quickly realized it wouldn’t work for long. Although my husband shift ends at 10 pm, sometimes he doesn’t get home until 11, midnight, or 3 am, depending on the night. If it’s a late one, he needs to sleep in a little bit to get enough rest for the next shift, and that’s really hard when we have two noisy kids waking up early.
So we changed up the bedtime routine in our house. Our toddler goes to bed significantly later than many kids his age (9 pm), but he sleeps until 8:30 or 9 am, allowing my husband and me to get some extra shut-eye when needed.
Finally, create a loose schedule that you can adjust as needed
Here is a sample of what our swing shift and graveyard (when he gets assigned) schedules look like:
Swing Shift Schedule
- Kids’ wake times are between 8-9 am.
- Babies’ bathtimes switch from before bed to first thing in the morning.
- Breakfast (and sometimes lunch) is our shared meal.
- Couch time occurs during toddler’s room time and baby’s morning nap.
- Family time is in the morning.
- We push everything back (meals and naps are later).
- Kids’ bedtimes are later than “normal.”
Graveyard Shift Schedule
- Kids’ wake times are between 9-9:30 am so dad can have a little longer noise-free sleep.
- Lunch (depending on how long he has to sleep) and dinner are our shared meals.
- Couch time is during afternoon naps.
- Family time is in the late afternoon and evening.
- Babies’ baths are before bed.
- Kids’ bedtimes are later than “normal.”
I know trying to manage a non-traditional schedule with a family is hard, but it’s not impossible! You have to find the balance between flexibility and structure. Set up your schedule to include the four major components: time with your spouse, family time, a shared meal, and consistent bed and wake times. Even when things come up, your family will be okay because they know what to expect from the routine.
