Any mom will tell you that motherhood changes you. As I get further and further from my pre-baby life, I sometimes forget what it was like back then. So today, I’m going to reminisce and tell you about what I did in my pre-mom life, and how it all changed when I joined the mom club.
How I imagined my future during college
I’ve always been super driven; I love setting goals and crushing them. That’s why, when I was in college, I thought I had my life completely mapped out. I double-majored in political science and journalism, and I worked my tail off to earn that degree.
Politics always fascinated me, and I love to write, so I decided I wanted a career as a political journalist or speech writer. I even considered going to law school and running for office myself one day. After taking eighteen credit hours almost every semester and attending year-round, I was able to graduate with a double BA in four years. And I was ready to tackle the next step in my five-year plan.
When reality hits: my first real job
I don’t know how it was for you, but when I graduated from college, I was ready to conquer the world. And I figured the best way to do that was to get a job in journalism. So I applied to every newspaper and magazine in my town, and even some out of state. And…nothing. As it turns out, not many places want to hire a journalist fresh out of college. Most of them want experience, but how on earth do you get experience if no one hires you? And although I worked all through college, those jobs did not provide the experience they wanted.
After a few months of zero progress, I started broadening my search to include government work (political science degree). I applied to a bunch of different departments, and finally got hired at the Human Services Department, specifically the Income Support Division. This department is essentially the welfare office. I wanted to help people because I know many experience hard times and need a helping hand.
But after a few months, I realized the job wasn’t for me. However, at that point, I felt stuck. Since my previous job search in my chosen field had failed miserably, I settled in and stuck it out because it offered a stable paycheck and decent benefits.
My dream job: the amended version
After three long years and several failed attempts to move up in the department, I decided to move on. My church posted a copy editing job on their website and my husband encouraged me to apply. I felt pretty low at this point and didn’t think there was any way they would hire me since I had been out of that game for three years.
Thank goodness I listened to him because they hired me! I quickly realized that this was my dream job. It’s interesting how your dreams evolve over time. I no longer had any desire to run for public office, and I knew that being a political journalist would not work well with the family my husband and I wanted to eventually have.
My copy editing job was amazing because I got to use my education and serve in ministry at the same time. Our church is very large, with a congregation of over 14,000, so there was never a dull moment. I did writing, copy editing, and proofing for multiple ministries and proofed hundreds of design projects. I truly loved that job and thought I would work there forever.
How motherhood changes you: a shift in perspective
I always thought that when I had a child, I’d do what normal people do: stay home for maternity leave and then send him to daycare. But I did not count on the fact that motherhood changes you. We struggled with infertility, so we were over the moon when we found out I was pregnant. After Little Man was born and the date for returning to work loomed closer, I realized I just couldn’t do it.
I felt the calling to leave the job I loved and become a stay-at-home mom. Initially, I kind of felt like a failure in some ways. Gone were my dreams of impacting the world with my words. What would my life look like now? Would I just run our household while wearing yoga pants and sporting a messy bun?
How dreams evolve
As much as I love my son, I felt a little panicked about leaving the workforce. First, because I knew the financial strain it would put on our family, and second, because I felt like I would lose my identity. I would not longer be a young professional with goals and a career; I’d just be another mom.
I had the privilege of working from home for one month after my maternity leave was over. During that month, we finally decided for me to stay home. I gave my two weeks notice, and on my last day, I went in the office during the afternoon to clean out my desk and say my goodbyes to my coworkers.
Before I went in, I spent most of the morning in tears, grieving for the change that was about to take place. My poor husband went off to work with me sitting at the kitchen table weeping in my coffee. What was I doing? Was I making a huge mistake? This job was the best I ever had; was I throwing it all away?
But then I walked into my son’s room and watched as he slept peacefully in his crib. And I knew. I knew I was doing the right thing. As I looked at my precious baby, I realized that I wasn’t a failure. I wasn’t giving up on my dreams; I was living new ones. And that’s how motherhood changes you.
New dreams and a new perspective
As hard as it was to leave my amazing job, I now realize that it would have been much, much harder to drop my son off at daycare every day and entrust someone else to raise him in my absence. That’s how motherhood changes you. Even though I cried on my last day of work, I know that I would have cried every single day driving away from the daycare. That’s how motherhood changes you.
I’m sure some people think I’m crazy for putting the financial strain on my family in order to stay home, but God has always provided for us, and we’ve never once gone hungry. Even though things are scary sometimes, I know that I’m doing the right thing. That’s how motherhood changes you.
There’s really no greater responsibility than raising children. You aren’t just feeding and clothing them and making sure they brush their teeth and eat their vegetables. You are raising people. I’m raising my son to hopefully be an amazing man and, eventually, a fantastic husband and father himself. That’s how motherhood changes you.
Yes, my dreams changed. They changed from being a political journalist to a mom. Now, instead of dreaming about running for public office, I dream about being available for my son when he needs me. Instead of law school, I dream about homeschooling my son and seeing him to graduation and beyond. That’s how motherhood changes you.
I’m not saying it’s wrong if you choose to go back to work after having your baby. But for me, my son is my career now.
What I do now
Even though I’m content and privileged to be a stay-at-home mom, there will always be a part of me that wants to make a difference in the world. And that’s how Living Kairos came to be. I get to write (which I went to school to learn to do, so my education is not wasted), and I get to encourage moms just like you as they go through this journey of motherhood.
You can participate in your community, even as a new mom. You can volunteer, take continuing education classes, become a mentor, and even work a few hours from home if you want to. And you get to do all this while working at the most important task of all: raising good, kind, respectful children who will one day make their own difference in the world.
So mama, I know you may feel like you lost your identity in the busyness of being a mom. Motherhood changes you in so many different ways (like your body image; for more on that, see this post by Katie over at Pages & Puddles), but please don’t forget you were placed in this season of life for the express purpose of raising your babies to be great men and women. The calling to stay home with your kids is a great one, and there’s no shame in it.
What did you do before you became a mom? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!
