Five and Counting – Reflections on Five Years of Marriage

Today marks five years of marriage to my amazing husband. It’s been a crazy ride; so much has happened since we said, “I do.” I want to share some things I learned that will hopefully encourage and inspire you as you navigate your first few years of marriage.

**All photo credit belongs to Think Harris Photography**

We were married on September 28 at a beautiful location in Santa Fe, New Mexico, called El Rancho de las Golondrinas. Our ceremony was held in a gorgeous field beneath towering trees. The weather was absolutely perfect, and so was everything else. It truly was one of the happiest days of my life.

My husband and I dated almost three years before we got married, so we were definitely ready. Now, five years later, we are a little older and a little wiser in more ways than one.

What we’ve accomplished in five years of marriage

It’s crazy how much you can get done in five years of marriage. We started out in a cozy apartment. Both of us had our own apartments previously, so there was a big merging of lives. Since we both lived on our own prior to getting married, we each had our own habits and ways of doing things. It was definitely an adjustment.

Then, less than a year after we got married, we decided to look for a house. There’s nothing like buying a house to teach you patience. Talk about paperwork! My husband is amazing, and he handled a lot of that stuff so I didn’t have to stress too much about it. We put offers on two houses (which fell through) before finally purchasing our current house. Even though it was disappointing to miss out on the other houses, we both agree that this one was really perfect for us.

In our first five years of marriage, we both had a few job changes. My husband works for the state government and he moved around in his department a few times. I went from being a state employee to a copy editor at our church. Each job change was a step in the right direction, and we were blessed.

When we got married, we decided we wanted to wait five years before having kids, but at three, we decided we were ready. Unfortunately, we didn’t know we would face a hard battle with infertility. I was diagnosed with PCOS, and it looked like we might not ever be able to conceive naturally. It was a hard, emotional struggle, but God blessed us with a beautiful baby boy.

Little Man is the joy of our lives. We had some concerns with his kidneys when he was born, but thankfully, that hasn’t turned into anything. He’s a happy, healthy baby, and I learn something from him every day. He looks so much like my husband and my heart can’t handle how much I love them both.

What I’ve learned in five years of marriage

I think you learn so much from every relationship you are a part of (family, friendships, etc.), but you don’t learn from anyone more than your spouse.

1. Don’t blink

Marriage is a wild ride, and the years go by way too fast. It seem like just yesterday we were saying our vows. Make a habit to stop from time to time and just reflect on the time you’ve spent with your husband. Try not to get so caught up in the day-to-day that you miss the little moments that make memories.

2. Let the little things go

Remember how I said my husband and I both came into our marriage somewhat set in our ways? Well, there were (and still are, frankly) things that absolutely drove us crazy about each other. You really have to pick your battles as a married couple. Ask yourself whether the thing that bugs you about your spouse is worth fighting about. I’m feisty by nature, so I’m more prone to starting fights about stuff than my husband. But a lot of the time when I look back, many of the things I’ve chosen to take a stand on aren’t really that big of a deal in the long run.

3. You can go to bed angry

I know this goes against a lot of the advice you received when you tied the knot. But I can say after five years of marriage that it’s sometimes okay to go to bed angry. My husband and I used to try to work out every fight before going to bed, but we’d just end up going in circles arguing about the same thing over and over. As we grew more tired, we got more frustrated.

Sometimes we just need to go to sleep and get some rest, and it’s amazing how silly many of our fights look in the light of day. The important thing is to work it out and not let it fester for too long. Even though we sometimes go to bed angry, my husband and I always make sure and touch feet under the blankets, even if we aren’t speaking to each other. This lets us know that we love each other, even though we’re mad.

4. Communication is key

Don’t expect your husband to read your mind. In five years of marriage, I have learned that my husband is not great at picking up on subtle hints. That’s nothing against him, it’s just a guy thing. I am learning to say exactly what I mean and not beat around the bush or expect him to read my mind.

We communicate in two very different ways, and fights happen when we expect the other to communicate the same way we do. Make sure to listen twice as much as you talk (that’s why God gave you two ears and only one mouth).

5. Do life together

I know you need time to yourself every once in a while, but doing life with your husband will make it so much more fulfilling. We serve in several of the same ministries at church, we read together, we go to things together, and we talk about the time we spend apart.

Many couples wake up after five years of marriage and figure out that they are just roommates with their spouse. Make time for those deep conversations and take a genuine interest in each other’s hobbies. Take classes together and spend quality time as a couple.

I hope these reflections on my first five years of marriage have been helpful to you, mama. Though there were challenges, there are so many more joyous memories. Don’t take these moments for granted; they are gone way too fast. But don’t worry, it gets even better. As you navigate the complicated seas of life, remember that your husband is your anchor, and your godly marriage holds the rest of your family together.