Congratulations, mama! You just welcomed a new baby into your family, and your life will never be the same again. Though it’s tempting (and seemingly necessary) to spend all your time with your new little one, maintaining friendships after a baby is incredibly important. But how do you make it happen when you have a tiny human who is utterly dependent on you? The answer is: with a little planning and a lot of conscious effort.
Why is it so easy to let friendships slide?
Well, because you’re a new parent (duh!). You have a ton of things going on and you’re learning how to (1.) be a parent, (2.) take care of a new baby, and (3.) balance your new life.
So it’s a natural to prioritize your baby. You basically have to because you’re just trying to survive. Between minimal sleep, learning to breastfeed (if you choose to), and worrying about whether your baby is healthy and happy, there’s little wonder that maintaining friendships after a baby is hard.
And on top of all that, you still have to maintain your marriage! That’s a challenge in and of itself, even without the baby-factor. I was blessed to have my husband stay home on paternity leave for a month after Little Man was born, but I realize not everyone has that opportunity. If your hubby heads back to work right away, you have your work cut out for you in regards to your marriage.
Why it’s important to maintain friendships after a baby
So we’ve established that it’s hard, so why even try? Aside from just being a good friend, there are several reasons to keep up with your friends.
You need girl-time
Look, I’m sure your husband is great, but you need some time with your girls. He doesn’t know exactly what you went through in labor and delivery, and he has no idea what’s going on with your body now that you’re post-baby.
So it’s important to have that time with those who understand. Even if your friends haven’t had babies themselves yet, they do understand being a hot, hormonal mess. Also, it’s good for you to hear about what’s going on in your friends’ lives. Even though it feels like it, the world did not stop just because you had a baby.
You need time away from the house
When you have a new baby, it’s super easy to become a hermit and never leave your house. Little Man was born in December, so I felt like I had a pretty good excuse to stay in. But you need some fresh air, mama! I promise you’ll feel so much better after you get out. You’ll come back so refreshed and with a renewed sense of love for your little family.
You need to be a good friend
After I got married, I wasn’t the greatest friend for a little while. I was so focused on my husband and our new life that I let a lot of my friendships slip through the cracks. I regret not maintaining those friendships like I should have, so I decided there was no way I would make the same mistake after having my baby.
You friends are important, and you need to show them how much they mean to you, and how much you value them. As Proverbs 18:24 says, “A [woman] who has friends must [her]self be friendly.”
How to be successful at maintaining friendships after a baby
Now that you know why you should work to maintain your friendships after a baby, you may be thinking, That’s all well and good, but how exactly do I do it? Here are some practical steps you can take.
Be intentional about making and keeping plans
It’s really easy when you run into a friend to both say, “We should get together!” It’s much, much harder to actually follow through. If you want to maintain friendships after a baby, you absolutely must be intentional about making and keeping plans. Often, friends of a new mom are hesitant to make the first move because they don’t want to “bother” her when she’s so busy. So you have to initiate the get-together. Break out the planner, call up your bestie, and set a date.
But making plans is only half the battle; you actually have to follow through. Does this scenario sound familiar? The day of the friend-date comes, and as much as you want to see her, you secretly don’t want to get out of the house. So you make up an excuse in your head as to why you shouldn’t go: the baby is fussy, you need to catch up on laundry, etc.
As tempting as it is to stay home, you have to fight your inner hermit and make yourself get out and be social. It will be good for you, and it’s not respectful to your friend to cancel.
Have friend-time both with and without the baby
Remember that your friends are happy for your new bundle of joy, and they want to see him, too. So make plans to bring your little one along so he can get to know your girls. Be prepared for lots of doting, cuddling, and kisses (for your baby, not you *wink*).
But it’s also good to have friend-time without your baby, too. During these get-togethers, you can really focus just on your friend without worrying what your little one is up to. Make sure to be present and really focus on growing your friendship.
Be other-oriented
As you work on maintaining your friendships after a baby, make you don’t just go on and on about your little one. I know it’s hard not to because your mind is on mommyhood twenty-four seven, but remember that your friends aren’t necessarily in that mindset (unless they recently had a baby, too). Ask her what’s going on in her life, and pay attention to the answers.
Ask your spouse to keep you accountable
Your hubby probably recognizes that you need time to maintain your friendships after a baby. Ask him to help keep you accountable! My husband is amazing about encouraging me to go out every so often with my ladies. It’s like he just knows when I’ve hit that point that I need some girl time.
Ask him to hold you accountable about keeping in touch with your friends, too. Sometimes my husband asks me what’s going on with so-and-so, and that helps remind me to stay in touch with them (because mom brain is a thing).
Alright, mama. Now you have to do the work of maintaining friendships after a baby. Even though it’s hard, I promise you it’s worth it. You don’t want to look up from those diapers a couple years from now and realize all your friends have slipped away while you weren’t looking. Cultivate those friendships now, and you will continue to reap the reward for years to come.
What do you to to maintain your friendships? Let us know in the comments!
