What to Do When Your Baby Refuses to Sleep

I know you’ve been there, mama. Your baby finally fell asleep after what seems like forever. You have a minute to yourself to take a quick shower or do a load of laundry or dishes. But then you hear it through the monitor: that fateful cry. It’s all you can do to keep from crying yourself. Why won’t he just sleep?! Trust me, I’ve been there more times than I can count, especially when my little guy was brand-new. I’ve got a few tips and some encouragement for you for those times when your baby refuses to sleep.

My experience

We stayed in the hospital for three nights after Little Man was born because I had an emergency C-section due to medical issues. During that time, we experienced some pretty sleepless nights because he wouldn’t latch correctly, so breastfeeding took forever. He also did some pretty hardcore cluster feeding, during which we both cried a lot.

But when we brought him home, we faced another problem: he refused to wake up during the night to feed. I know this sounds like a blessing (who doesn’t dream of having their newborn sleep through the night?), but he had some medical conditions that required he eat every two hours to make sure he gained enough weight coming home. So we tried everything we could think of to get him to stay awake long enough to get a good feeding in: we changed his diaper, tickled his feet, and eventually resorted to wiping him down with a cool, wet washcloth.

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that we experience the dreaded sleep refusal. You know what I’m talking about: the terrifying, ear-splitting screaming that comes from that tiny, overtired body. I never knew someone so small could be so loud! As a new parent, that sound is the most panic-inducing sound in the world. When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, that constant crying is enough to send you over the edge.

Sleep training

We started sleep training when Little Man was four weeks old. My mom and one of my aunts recommended we read the book On Becoming Babywise, and we decided to take a look and try the program out. Oh my goodness. Let me tell you, it worked wonders for us! I realize that sleep training can be a controversial topic, so I’m just relating my personal experience and what worked for us.

The basic idea is to get baby on a schedule. Babies respond amazingly to routine, just like kids and adults. Babywise advises you stick to a regular feed-wake-sleep cycle. It wasn’t easy, and there were definitely a few times we were ready to give up, but we stuck with it and Little Man was sleeping through the night by ten weeks.

But the thing we struggled the most with was getting him to go to sleep and stay asleep for his naps during the day. He napped great in the morning and early afternoon, but he had a really hard time in the late afternoon and early evening. There were times where he cried and cried no matter what we did, and it was absolutely draining, both physically and emotionally, for all of us.

During that time, we learned a few things to try when baby refuses to sleep.

Don’t freak out!

I know it’s overwhelming, but the worst thing you can do when your baby refuses to sleep is freak out. There were a few times when I seriously thought I couldn’t take it anymore, especially after my husband went back to work and I was on my own with Little Man for the majority of the day. I actually had to leave him crying in his bassinet or crib and step away for a few minutes to pull myself together, and that’s okay! It’s so much better to take a couple minutes to get your bearings than to continue pushing yourself to the breaking point.

The other hard thing was that I went back to work part-time from home when he was eight weeks old. This meant I had to work as many hours as possible while he napped during the day. I was on the clock, so if he woke up early from a nap, I had to clock out early and that was money we missed out on. It was extremely stressful. I ultimately left my job to be a stay-at-home mom full-time, but that one month was brutal.

If you’re stressed out when your baby refuses to sleep, he will sense it and everything will be that much harder for both of you. So take a deep breath and compose yourself before jumping back into it.

Prioritize

As I eventually figured out, when your baby refuses to sleep, you have to prioritize your life. When I worked from home, I had the choice to either let my baby cry because he couldn’t sleep, or leave my work for later so he could get some rest. As much as I love my work, my baby comes first.

The same is true of household chores. Sometimes you have to leave that sink full of dishes so you can get your little one down. The chores will still be there later! I have an entire post dedicated to how to manage household chores as a new mom (check it out!).

What to do when baby refuses to sleep

There are a lot of different things you can try when your baby refuses to sleep. Every baby is different, but here are a few things that worked for us.

First, create a bedtime/nap time routine

I heard this was important, but I didn’t realize just how important until we struggled with sleeping. Our bedtime routine is as follows:

• Bath (if it’s a bath night)
• Last feeding (usually my husband gives Little Man a bottle of pumped breast milk)
• Story (we’re currently working through the entire Harry Potter box set while he eats)
• Diaper change
• Swaddle and put to bed

Routines are important because they signal to the baby that it’s almost time for sleep. It gets them in the mood and helps them relax.

Second, try rocking

This is kind of a given, but it really helps. Now, the caveat with rocking is that you don’t want your baby to rely on it to go to sleep. This creates what Babywise refers to as a sleep prop, and it’s not great if you want your baby to get good sleep.

When your baby refuses to sleep, the trick is to rock until he’s drowsy, but not completely asleep. Then, quietly place him in his bassinet or crib and let him fall asleep naturally. This way, you won’t get stuck in the rocking chair, afraid to move in case you wake him up.

Third, consider a noise machine

We didn’t use a noise machine until Little Man was about four months old. It’s not for any particular reason besides we just didn’t have one. We got this one and it’s really cute. It has several sound settings including waves, white noise, heartbeat, and a couple lullabies.

We found that it helps drown out the noise from the rest of the house while Little Man sleeps. Our dogs sometimes get loud and having the noise machine keeps him from startling awake.

Fourth, try a pacifier

I realize pacifiers are controversial, but I don’t know what we’d do without ours. We introduced a pacifier to Little Man when he was about five weeks old and we never looked back. It really helps soothe him and now that he’s older, he can actually find it in his crib during the night and reinsert it himself.

Fifth, stroke the nose

I’ve never heard this anywhere else, but my mom suggested this technique and it works wonders! With one finger, gently stroke your baby’s nose from the forehead to the tip. He’ll naturally close his eyes every time you do it and will cause him to get very sleepy. It sounds funny, but it really works!

Finally, try essential oils

We love essential oils in our house! I have a roller bottle filled with a few drops of lavender and cedarwood and topped with a carrier oil. I roll it on his big toes before I put him down. Lavender has calming properties, and cedarwood helps the body naturally produce melatonin. And let me tell you, it works amazingly!

**Disclaimer** Please always use caution when using essential oils. Make sure they are 100 percent therapeutic grade, and consult a doctor before use on babies.

Treasure this time; it won’t last forever

Sometimes nothing you try works and your baby just needs to be held. This happened to me not long ago. Little Man rarely struggles with naps anymore, but on this particular day, nothing worked. I was stressed out because we had people coming over later that evening and my house needed some love. But I chose to prioritize and just hold my little one until he fell asleep.

He snuggled right up on my chest and slept there for almost an hour and a half. I think it was God’s way of reminding me to treasure times like this because the day is coming when my son won’t want to be held like that. As I breathed in his sweet baby smell, I had time to reflect on how much my life has changed since he entered it. In those moments, I was reminded again of what’s important and how much I love my sweet boy.

You’ve got this, mama. I know it’s super hard right now, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. When your baby refuses to sleep, stay calm and don’t freak out. Try some of the things we talked about today, and if nothing works, enjoy some good snuggles. Even though it might seem impossible, look at this time as a privilege because your baby won’t always need you to help him sleep.