Do you know a chaotic lifestyle can hurt your marriage? We often think of chaos as only detrimental to ourselves or our kids, but it can also put unnecessary strain on your relationship with your hubby. Here are some of the ways household chaos hurts your marriage (and how to fix them).
Clutter
I don’t know about you, but I hate clutter. The problem is, it accumulates at an alarming rate at our house. Neither my husband or I are naturally neat people—it’s something I’ve been trying to get better at for most of my adult life. So since we both struggle with it, naturally our house gets real cluttered real fast if we’re not careful. I swear, I feel like it happens overnight, like little messy trolls come while we’re sleeping and destroy everything.
The clutter type of household chaos hurts your marriage in a couple ways. The first is that it causes tripping, and tripping causes stubbed toes, and stubbed toes cause yelling. I speak from experience, trust me. The next issue is bathroom clutter. This particular clutter is my downfall. My poor husband doesn’t even get ready in our master bathroom (besides showering) because my girl stuff is scattered all over the counter.
Next we have dirty dishes in the sink. Oh. My. Goodness. This drives me crazy. I hate cooking with a sinkful of dirty dishes, and this continues to be a sore spot for both me and my husband. Finally, we have the whole not-being-able-to-find-things thing. If your house is in organizational chaos, it’s real hard to find what you’re looking for (“Honey? Have you seen my [blank]?”) Sometimes I put something somewhere just to get it out of the way and then my hubby can’t find it, and vice-versa.
Avoid it
To avoid household chaos in your marriage, work on decluttering together. This only works if you both put in the effort. He has to pick his shoes up from the middle of the floor, and you have to keep the bathroom counter clean of your girl stuff. You both have to put things back where they belong, instead of just sticking it somewhere to get it out of the way
Nobody functions well without a schedule
Another way household chaos hurts your marriage is through the lack of a routine or schedule. I get super stressed out when we run late, and I sometimes raise my voice and say things I don’t necessarily mean.
The lack of a routine makes life unpredictable and chaotic. I’m not saying a little spontaneity is bad, but generally, relationships do well when there is good routine. We can definitely feel a little tension in our house when dinner is running late, or we don’t get to bed at a decent time.
Avoid it
I hate being late, so when we get ready to leave, I try to give a fifteen, ten, and five-minute warning. And it’s not just for my husband; it helps me acknowledge how much time I have left, too. But stuff happens, and sometimes running late is unavoidable. At that point, I must choose not to get upset and angry (it’s a work in progress).
Make a weekly schedule and stick with it! I can talk all day about how much I love scheduling and using my Living Well Planner, but if I don’t stick with it, it doesn’t do me or my husband any good. Thanks to time-blocking, I’m able to keep things on a pretty good schedule during the day, but we often let things go a bit in the evenings. There’s nothing wrong with relaxing after a long day, but try to let that be your reward for accomplishing the things you need to get done. Block out some “free time” if you have to.
Communication breakdown
The final way household chaos hurts your marriage is through the breakdown of communication. Some couples don’t communicate enough; others talk way too much and say things they shouldn’t.
My husband and I are really bad about letting each other know what’s going on with each of our families. There are times when I forget to tell him we’re having a birthday dinner for so-and-so, and we double-book ourselves. And there are other times when he forgets to tell me his family is coming from out of town.
If you want more info on communication, Focus on the Family has lots of great information about ways to strengthen your marriage.
Avoid it
Any marriage counselor will tell you that communication is key to a healthy marriage. Talk to each other! I know it’s easy to get so caught up in our day-to-day that we let things slip through the cracks, but communication in your marriage shouldn’t be one of them.
Learn from my mistakes, mama. Household chaos hurts your marriage, so don’t open the door for that kind of stress. Limit the opportunities for fights and get everyone on a good schedule so your whole family can relax. Remember, little eyes are watching, and you want to teach your babies to avoid chaos so they don’t bring it into their own marriages (one day in the distant future!).
The dishes in the sink are kryptonite for both my husband and I! It makes both of us cranky. We’ve helped to alleviate that by running the dishwasher each night before bedtime, and then unloading it first thing in the morning as the coffee is being brewed. That way all of our dishes can go straight into the dishwasher all day-avoiding that dreaded pile up! Great post- clutter is so easy to not see until it’s too late!
Same here! The dishes are one of the biggest sources of contention in our house, too. I love the system you have worked out!